Hello and welcome to my sixth blog post I believe.
So I’ve been setting up my monetizing stuff along with working the night shift.
I haven’t had time to research a new topic or subject, nor have I had the time to think about continuing some of the topics I have touched on.
I will post some links to some ads that I have been asked to help promote. It is my legal obligation to tell you that I am getting paid for sharing these links. Although I am supposed to be talking about these items, I cannot be fucked at this very moment.
I have vowed that I will not go a few days without posting on this blog, so please enjoy this wee short story about a mad bastard who befriends a cat.
A bit lazy, but I enjoy writing flash fiction like this. I find it to be cathartic.
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Bruce Lee the cat.
It is said that one in every one hundred people is a certified psychopath, and of that one, half of them are either hardened criminals or shrewd businessmen.
Psychopathic people lack the empathy of the regular ninety-nine people.
I am in the one percent, and on the side of business.
Stuck in my holiday home in Whakatane, I’ve embarked on my new business venture. You see, I’ve owned a Procurement Company, managing and sourcing the inventory for a few big ticket companies.
Our warehouse was the biggest in New Zealand and at one point we were the biggest importer of non-essential items from China, I was making coin hand over fist.
Then the virus happened.
All imports were stopped and our customers have shut down.
I needed to make money, not to save my company, but to save myself. My thirst for power and dominance over my slaves that work for me.
Underpaid losers who bow down to my every instruction. Boot-lickers and ass-kissers, I can get any of them to suck my cock if I wanted to. I won’t though, I’m smart enough to know that these scumbags would blackmail me if I did.
I know they don’t like me, and I don’t care, I don’t like them either. There’s this one guy who practically lives there. I’ve never been to the office and not seen him there. I pay him a little more than everyone else, but with the amount of hours he puts in, he is probably on the same wage as the kids in China I procure my shit from.
Here’s where I fucked up.
Our left-wing cucks in government devised a relief plan to help with those who will be affected by the virus. They offered $585 per employee per week, paid to the company to then pay to the workers.
Fuck that. I kept them working. If they died, they died.
I got some shady back door contracts with some bullshit companies operated by my rich friends who were doing the same thing. All of us applied for the subsidies without closing our companies. I was getting over 70K a week for their shit salaries, while they did the work without any money coming in from the company. All of it went into my pocket.
The summons from Inland Revenue came in last week.
They will have to find me here. I don’t want to be arrested in front of my kids. I’m also worried that my wife and girlfriend might be forced to meet. They both care about me deeply for some reason. I guess it’s because I buy them things. Women love things.
I didn’t tell them where I was going.
These inbreds don’t know who I am, they only see me a few times a year, and I’ve parked my Porsche in the garage and I’m walking to the shops for supplies.
There’s no Wifi here and I’ve binned my sim card. I heard that you can be tracked through your phone.
We have this stray cat that hangs around the place. It’s a ginger tabby. My daughter decided to feed the prick last year and now he has decided to hang around. I feed him too, it’s a bit of company before the cops turn up. I have no way of hiding my wrongdoings, I already saw that my cronies have been arrested. It was on the news.
Three days ago I realised that the only electronic connection I had was between my Iphone and my Fitbit. I don’t need to exercise, so I stuck it around the neck of the tabby.
The app on my phone said that the cat had a heart rate of 180 beats per minute. Mine only averages at 90 on a normal day. That’s double what mine is.
It is said that Bruce Lee was so fit that his heart exploded. His heart would beat so fast that the sheer mechanics exploded due the rapid rate at which it was beating.
On the first day of the cat wearing it, I would deliberately frighten it.
I would enjoy seeing, in live view on my screen, how it would spike all the way to 190 beats per minute. It even hit 210 when I yanked the blanket from beneath him when he was sleeping on the leather couch. The couches I bought last summer.
Yesterday I kicked him around a bit.
He ran away and then he came back to eat. When he was back in Bluetooth range, he registered numbers higher than the day before. I jammed his tail in the door, it came in at a whopping 225 beats per minute. When I picked him up to comfort him, I could feel his heart buzzing in my hand. It was less of a heartbeat, but more of a synthesised bur.
When his heart beats like this I feel energised and happy. So I keep trying to get it up.
I kicked him in the groin, I stretched his legs away from his body.
It came in at 237 .
I let him rest last night while I worked.
I’ve used the factory tool set from my Porsche to take the microwave apart. This new device has the microwave capacitor hooked up to the four jumper lead clamps.
It will turn 240 volts of electricity into four outlets of a thousand volts each. A thousand volts is required to cause enough radio friction to activate liquid particles in food.
I’ve tested my device on a watermelon I had in the fridge, I just poked the clamps into the skin. I did it on the porch outside. The watermelon exploded. Some pieces went over the neighbour’s fence.
The cat needs to get his strength up, he has awoken from his sleep and is now eating. I decided to open a can of tuna for him. Tuna has all the essential oils and nutrients for cats. I need to get him as healthy as I can, if I want to get his heart rate to 300 beats per minute.
Same as Bruce Lee.
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