My wife always keeps fresh fruit around the house,
So I put eight peeled oranges into a black rubbish bag,
I crushed them with my feet,
Squashing the lumps between my immaculate toes.
My garage smells of citrus,
And I add the ketchup that I kept from all the Happy Meals,
The one’s I collected in the slot in my car door,
There was six of them sachets.
Two cups of sugar next,
I smuggled it from the kitchen,
While my wife was talking about her fatility to one of her friends on Zoom,
She has no idea what I’m up to.
I mix it, and I wrap my baby in a sleeping bag,
I place it behind the hot water cylinder for later,
She asks what I’m doing in the garage,
I’m making an LED tail light for my bicycle
I think about my baby as I make love to her,
But I know she is ok in that garage,
She is warm,
And the sleeping bag is hugging her like a small child with Polio.
I burp my infant every day after work,
Each day more pungent than before,
I know exactly what I’m doing,
I’m making Pruno
The natural yeast is doing its job
And after seven days,
I know she is ready
So I devise my plan.
I send my family on a small holiday,
And now I go to work,
The process is simple,
And I’ll tell you how it goes.
I take two skillets,
I plave one in the freezer,
The other I put on the stove,
Then I add my pruno to the heat.
I hold the cold skillet on top of the boil
And the vapour condensates when the steam rises against it.
I angle the cold skillet and the liquid runs into my receptacle.
Now I have my White Lightning.
The authentic Prison Whiskey.
Pruno Ball Bag
Hello and welcome to my blog, you sneaky perverts.
It is illegal to share the recipe and process for making homemade spirits, but because I added it in a story makes it legit. It is a complex process and a massive undertaking, but if you decide to make some, please don’t drink it. You will go blind.
This one is a bit late, I know.
My computer has been breaking my heart. It’s been crashing and shit non-stop.
I’m currently at a point where I need to save my work every few seconds because it keeps fucking out. I’m hoping to get a new one soon. It’s been a nightmare.
Right, contractual obligation time.
I am getting a small fee for every sale of the below items if they are purchased via my link.
Hopefully I get something useful.
https://f02481t3n87ds3rzpu07dmss4h.hop.clickbank.net/
https://42455xn5kit3gaxdtm2zawbq79.hop.clickbank.net/
I have posted the first chapter of my book called Tainted Pictures onto my Patreon if you wish to get a squint at it. It’s pretty graphic, so I reckon you won’t enjoy it if you are of a sensitive disposition.
I’m writing this one while sitting in front of the fireplace with a nice little blaze going. I swear that watching open flames does something to the human subconscious, and it’s probably why we grew smart so quickly after it was discovered. I dismiss the meat cooking theory.
So this week I want to touch on a few things, so this one might be a bit longer than the usual.
The first thing I want to talk about is how a decent support base can aid or hinder your existence, and then I want to talk a little bit about the Coronavirus and its relation to culture and religion.
Now, I know that many of you are probably sick of the virus talk, so I will let you know when it is about to begin and then you can stop reading.
I’m a sensitive boy, another word for sensitive is aware. This meant that I had, and still have life scripts that border on paranoia. That’s why I don’t smoke weed or do anything that involves psychedelics. Every time I do these things, I end up balled up in a corner afraid of my own shadow.
But the one thing I was always blessed with was a great support system. A loving Mum and Dad, loyal friends and a community that was a bit like a village. A ‘your child is my child, and my child is your child mentality’. Even when I entered the workforce I was always treated a little bit more special than my colleagues.
That is why I’m pretty shit when it comes to personal crises. My most powerful negative thought is to catastrophize and fortune tell. One of the worst combinations you can get.
I’m not sure where it stems from, maybe it’s from my privileged childhood.
If I get a tickle in my throat, I automatically and honestly believe that I have stage 3 cancer of the esophagus and that I will die in the next few months. This actually happens to me all the time.
However, I do have a wife that is probably the most supportive person I have ever met. Not just to me, she gets calls visits and calls from friends on a daily basis with their pains and issues. I shit you not. She even has a job that requires her to support people who are unable to support themselves.
I also spend far too much time in my child ego state because of my artistic expression and this annoys the living fuck out of her. If I’m not writing, I’m playing video games or riding my bike. Things that the average 40 year old adult man wouldn’t usually do,
But she supports me nonetheless.
One could say that I love her.
But that’s not how love actually works, I don’t even think that the way love is portrayed in the traditional sense is accurate.
How can you project your emotion onto something else? That doesn’t even make sense.
Love is a personal emotion.
I love my motorcycle because I love how it makes me feel when I ride it.
I love my wife because I love how she makes me feel about myself.
Her gorgeous green eyes, her beautiful legs and that small of her back that I love so much, makes me feel good and thus making me feel better about myself.
I’ve done some fucked up things in my life and I have made some catastrophic life choices, but I’ve done that with the support of a person who has made me feel like a superhero all the way through. In all honesty, if it wasn’t for her, I’d be diving off the Harbour Bridge right now.
However, personal success is not dependent on a support base.
There are thousands of happy, fulfilled people who have lived and existed by themselves.
The German poet Charles Bukowski is a prime example. He is one of my favourite authors. In an interview he did once, he said that if he ever had a family or close friends, he would never have been able to live the life that he has lived.
He is a very happy man.
Legend
Ok, I’ll talk about Coronavirus now, so if you don’t want to hear about it, you can leave now. I’ll speak to you next time.
This piece was taken from a project I did for University last week.
The question was to write an opinion piece on a current affair that would fit in a newspaper or magazine.
I fucking aced it by the way.
Why some countries are handling Covid better than others.
The Coronavirus, or Covid-19 was off my radar until I saw a silly meme about it on Facebook. Now I love a good meme, and this one had been shared around over a hundred times, it also had over a thousand likes.
I had to investigate, so I decided to get a squint of what this Coronavirus thing was about.
It wasn’t until then that I realised the severity of the disease. By that point Wuhan was on lockdown and a few cases have been reported around the world.
I was awestruck by the contagion of the disease, but I must admit that I was pretty sure that it wouldn’t spread around the world the way it did.
It wasn’t until New Zealand had its first few cases that it started to sink in.
Initially the battle was prevention.
Entire Nations went into lockdown and instilled travel bans to prevent the spread of the virus, and it worked for the most part. Almost all the countries around the world had it contained.
But with no cure or immunization is sight, the current step is purely on eradication by discipline.
And many countries are struggling with this.
I have a theory on this.
The countries from the Far East, namely China, once the epicentre for the Pandemic are doing really well with containing and eradicating the virus. At its peak, China had over eighty-thousand cases. They now have less than three hundred.
The US on the other hand has over a million cases without any evidence that the condition is improving.
I don’t think that this is a coincidence, I think there is a cultural archetype at play.
I believe it boils down to the staple carbohydrate of these countries.
Far Eastern Nations got their staple carbohydrate from rice. The process of growing rice is a group effort. Without the whole village working in the paddy fields, a successful rice yield will not be possible.
On the other hand, many Western Nations got their staple carbohydrate from wheat. Wheat is something you can grow on your own. You don’t need any help from anyone to yield a successful crop.
This is why the Easterners are collectivistic and the Westerners are Individualistic.
Overly simplified; collectivists tend to look out for the good of the group and individualists usually only look out for themselves.
This is why China is a Communist country and the US is Capitalist.
I remember asking a Chinese lady a few years ago why she was wearing an N95 mask.
I always thought it was a selfish ploy to stop themselves from acquiring any germs from someone in the public. And I told her this.
She proceeded to inform me that she is on the back end of the flu and she wants to protect everyone else from her germs. I was so embarrassed, I had it wrong for years. It was a collectivistic move. She is looking out for the good of the group.
When the promotion of wearing masks takes place in Western countries, it’s more about protecting oneself.
The staple food cultivation is even reflected in the religions of these countries.
In the Far East, you have regions like Buddhism, Taoism and Confucianism. Religions that have their roots in kindness and collectivism.
The Abrahamic religions have a strong connection with Roman and Greek mythology, and if you add the Bible to that mix, you always find connections to bread. The bread of wheat.These Religions are monotheistic, which means one God and your devotion relies on your single relationship with that God.
China has done so well because of the collective effort which is linked to their culture. The individuals are looking out and caring about the collective.
But in America it’s very different.
Many of the citizens are finding it hard to follow the strict guidelines put forth by the government. The attitude of only caring about their own person makes it difficult to have empathy for the collective.
Of course I’m not pushing for collectivism.
It certainly has a lot of drawbacks. Like mundanity and limited freedom. Lack of innovation is also a factor. And often collectivism leads to Dictatorships. That’s never a good thing.
Individualism promotes identity and also drives innovation and opportunity, but in times of crisis it will lead to the self preservation of the single individual. Like what we are witnessing now.
New Zealand is not a Collectivist Nation by any means.
But it does invoke the spirit of collectivism. Over the last few years we have experienced a few extreme catastrophes. There was the Earthquake of 2011, the Mosque shooting, the volcanic eruption and now the Pandemic.
Kiwi’s have a way of becoming collectivistic when they have to, and revert back to being individualistic when the crisis is over.
Some will call it Democratic Socialism, but I will call it te aroha ki o raatau hoa. (compassion for their fellow man)
Until next time you shower of pricks.
